Inspiration is for sissies.

Evening affirmation. Repeat ten times while trying to think of something interesting to say. Then blurt out whatever nonsense comes to mind and just hope no one is paying attention. Trust me, they aren't.

I'm great! Really! No, seriously! I'm cool! I'm not being sarcastic! No, I'm not on drugs! I just think I'm pretty much OK! Yeah!!!!

Morning affirmation. Don't worry, this feeling will pass. In the meantime, repeat twenty times out loud to yourself and to anyone who happens to be around.

I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK.

Afternoon affirmation. Repeat this affirmation seven times, then go eat some veggie spam spam tofu and spam.... And always look on the bright side of life.

It's better to just keep bad feelings bottled up inside.

Morning affirmation. Repeat this affirmation ten times to yourself in the morning to prepare for your day. Don't worry, if a feeling is meant to be shared, eventually it will be. No need to burden people ahead of time.

Without the approval of other people, I am worthless.

Afternoon affirmation. Repeat this affirmation twenty times to ensure that your sense of self is as developed as possible.

If I insult people they won't notice my faults.

Morning affirmation. Prepare yourself for a productive day by arming yourself with this helpful affirmation. Repeat ten times to your reflection in the morning and whenever you need a little boost throughout the day.

The next frog I kiss will definitely be a prince!

Morning affirmation. Don't give up, no matter how many cold, slimy mouths you have to press against your lips... no matter how many dead flies end up on your chin... no matter how soggy with pond water your shoes get. When you start to doubt fairy tales, repeat this affirmation twenty times in a joyful, lilting voice. The next frog could be him!

The sunshine mocks me.

Anytime but night time affirmation. Repeat ten times to yourself whenever the mood strikes you... only when there is sunshine, of course! Shake your fist at the sky for enhanced results.

Someday my bottle-cap collection will save the world.

Evening affirmation. Repeat five times at 9pm and ten times at 11:04pm. This affirmation is a delightful way to cap your day. It's just one way of cultivating the delusion of grandeur that is so important these days.

I will never get organized.

Afternoon affirmation. Repeat ten times in a disorganized manner.

I love bills!

Afternoon affirmation. Repeat this affirmation ten times to yourself as you go out to get your mail. It makes getting mail even more FUN!