Mystery is a Mister, not a Miss.

Afternoon affirmation. Meditate on this affirmation three times in the afternoon. Try not to think of a sobbing blue rhino.

Jesus don't want me for a rainbow.

Morning affirmation. I have no idea what this means, but I find the message appealing somehow. Go ahead and repeat it to yourself thirteen times while gazing in a mirror. Let me know if anything bad happens; this is, after all, an untested affirmation.

Being right is more important than being happy.

Evening affirmation. Repeat ten times to yourself in a mirror after an argument with a loved one. If you are feeling bold, say the affirmation loud enough that they will hear you. In addition, if you are seeing a counselor, repeat the affirmation three times at the beginning of your session, and three times at the end. As you can see, this is a versatile affirmation.

When someone makes you mad, the best response is to try to make them mad, too.

Afternoon affirmation. This affirmation gets straight to the heart of your inner slightly-disturbed child. Repeat it five to nine times while seething in a mirror. And remember: it is important to always take things personally!

When strangers don't smile it's because I'm a bad person.

Morning affirmation. Get ready for a wonderfully upsetting day by repeating this affirmation ten times while looking in a mirror. Don't bother cleaning the mirror first unless you want to magnify the effects of the affirmation.

It is always darkest right after you are blindfolded.

Morning affirmation. Repeat this affirmation ten times while looking in a mirror. Then blindfold yourself and repeat another ten times. Remove the blindfold and repeat another ten times. Repeat this sequence as desired until you have to go to work or otherwise do something useful.

To know me is to tolerate me.

Afternoon affirmation. This is the best affirmation ever! Repeat fifteen times in the mid- to late-afternoon and absorb the awsome power of change that affirmations can offer. Especially this one!