My life is completely out of my control.

Morning affirmation. Repeat ten times out loud. After each recitation, tap the mirror three times with the index fingers of each hand. If you mess up, start over from the beginning. Check the oven to make sure it's not on. Check the pilot light to make sure it is on. When you walk from room to room, make sure you take an equal number of steps with each foot. Revel in your own inability to affect the course of your life.